Elton John sang “sorry seems to be the hardest word” and many would say it’s the same for politicians. Yet this week has shown it is not sorry that’s the hardest word to say, but rather I am sorry.

It has been a tumultuous few days in politics. Sue Gray’s update was published in the context of growing tensions in Ukraine, Levelling Up, energy prices rocketing, and the cost of living, and tax increases predicted to result in millions of our neighbours having to decide between eating and heating.

In such a list as this the controversy over Downing Street parties and what the Prime Minster did or did not do, and his role in setting his team’s workplace culture seems like a distraction from far weightier issues.

And it is. But it is no less important than every other matter we are concerned about.

Perhaps I can explain why I think that is, based on my own experience.

Leading CARE and being accountable for our mission is an immense privilege. It comes with responsibilities. How I lead and what I expect of our team is profoundly important. I am a witness to who our Lord and Saviour is, and who he calls me, and us, to be.

I do not serve myself; I serve Jesus, and through discipleship and obedience to him I should be willing to sacrificially serve my team, the church, my neighbour, and my nation. I am deeply aware of my sin, where I fail and fall down and (literally) thank the Lord for his grace. I strive, through the Holy Spirit, to be sanctified, to grow in holiness each day so that I may reflect Jesus and become more the full person I was created to be in him.

That’s what I believe the bible teaches. That my heart and mind is Jesus’, and that out of this flows my actions. My actions and behaviour matter, but they are a reflection of who I am and strive to be in Jesus. Jesus cares about who I am. I can never sacrifice or neglect the how on the altar of what I hope to achieve. The ends do not justify any means.

What does that look like in practice? It means I cannot be judged by the few things I can point to as success in the worlds eyes as a justification for sin in other areas of my life, or, as Jesus reminds us, for sin in my own heart and mind. My success is a blessing from God, but also a reflection of my dependance on others; my life is bound up with that of others. I am not responsible for something CARE does well – we, the team, including you our partners, accomplish things together under God’s grace and generosity. When something goes wrong, I have to hold the responsibility, and humbly acknowledge my sin of commission or omission.

I do not always get this right. I have and will again stumble and not be the person God wants me to be. But I come to him and those who I have failed and ask for forgiveness and seek the courage to repent.

CARE has not called for resignations in recent weeks. I will never rush to condemn politicians because I personally know so many who genuinely strive to be people who do good. Therefore, I will not easily join any crowd ready to throw stones at the accused.

Yet it has struck me this week that there is something deeply wrong when some who are in positions of great leadership cannot say I am sorry without seeking to diminish others; when sorry is a “we are” but achievement is an “I have”.

‘Party Gate’ has highlighted the three stages of how leadership I dislike responds to being caught. First, denial – “there is nothing to see here”; second, deflect – “look over here to all the things that have gone well”; third, diminish the other person, even it if means using untruths.

I believe we can, and must, all be better than that. We will never be a peaceful and prosperous nation until we strive to be better people ourselves, in thought, word and deed, and encourage our leaders to be the same. We strive for the highest and best whilst being generous in grace, forgiveness, and accepting repentance.

That is why ‘Party Gate’ and how our politicians have responded to it this week is so important.

There have been exceptional examples of Christian and non-Christian politicians seeking to stand up for truth and integrity in the current political turmoil. I have written to some to encourage them because this is not about party politics, it is about truth and integrity being valued.

I am sorry for where I sin and fail, I pray for courage and strength to repent, and give thanks for what I can achieve with others. I pray for leaders who can do the same and have the character that honours God. Politicians for whom I is not the hardest word.