Seven ways to help someone struggling with porn

You probably know someone who is in the midst of a battle with pornography.

Perhaps you are a pastor, and a member of your church has come to ask you for help to stop looking at porn. Maybe you have a friend who has just admitted their long-term struggles with pornography. Perhaps you are married and your spouse has just relapsed in their battle with porn use.

We can’t fight the battle of temptation for another person, but there are ways we can encourage friends, family and fellow Christians to turn away from pornography. Here are seven things each one of us can do to help:

Porn use thrives in secrecy. For this reason, it can feel as if you are the only person struggling with this problem, and the only Christian who finds it hard. But that is not the case.

Studies show that over half of practising Christians have a problem with porn. 75% of Christian men and 40% of Christian women watch pornography on a regular basis. Those we are trying to help are not the only ones going through this battle. We can help them to see they are not alone.

Sadly, in our internet age, getting hold of porn is all too easy. Breaking a habit of pornography, on the other hand, can be much more difficult. Someone struggling with porn use can experience setbacks and relapses. It can feel as if victory is impossible.

But there is hope. Jesus came to bring forgiveness and set us free from slavery to sin. He has given us his Holy Spirit who enables us to say no to ungodliness and to lead self-controlled, godly lives. Freedom from pornography is possible. Those we help need not lose hope.

People who are battling pornography can often withdraw and cut themselves off from Christian community. They can feel ashamed of their sin and afraid of being found out. But as Christians we need each other to combat sin and spur us on to holy living. Fighting temptation is done in community.

If the person you are helping isn’t attending a church, encourage them to do so. Go with them, and introduce them to others if you can. A small group is really helpful as a place where you can share your life with other Christians. If you aren’t part of a small group, why not join one together? If you are, perhaps you could invite them along to your group?

Ask your friend for permission to ask them how they are doing with resisting porn. How is their level of temptation today? Have they watched porn at some point this week? Don’t just ask them once or twice, but make it something that both you, and they, expect.

Of course, it is quite possible that your friend might lie about whether they have used porn or not. If they do, or think they might, there are other ways of being accountable to consider. Software such as Covenant Eyes allows your internet history to be shared continually with another person to help hold them to account. We can help those we know by allowing them to be honest about their struggles and their failures.

If all that you are doing is asking your friend if they have failed when it comes to porn, your relationship will quickly become rather negative! Keep holding them to account, but also encourage them to keep going in the life of holiness.

Give them a call, send them a message, meet up for a coffee. Speak about your own areas of weakness and vulnerability too. Be an example of Christ-like faithfulness is their life if you can, showing them that you won’t abandon them because they battle with porn. And helping them to see that God won’t either.

You might decide to share with your friend every verse you can think of about sexual purity. That can be helpful, and is definitely part of the help you can give a struggling friend.

But what they need more than anything is Jesus. Winning the battle against porn is not about gritting their teeth and trying harder to resist sin. It’s about being so captured by the greatness and wonder of Jesus that pornography looks pathetic in comparison.

So don’t just share verses about sex. Share anything that points them to God and the gospel. Send them Bible passages that speak of God’s grace, lend them a book that has helped you understand the cross better, share a sermon that particularly spoke to you. Help them to love Jesus more and more each day.

Any battle with sin can be marked by times of victory, and times of failure. When we stumble, we can easily believe that we have exhausted God’s patience with us. Surely God can’t forgive us yet another time?

But on the cross, Jesus died to bring forgiveness for each and every sin. We need to remind our friend of God’s long-suffering, inexhaustible goodness through the Lord Jesus Christ. We help our friend and fellow Christian by enabling them to see that God is our heavenly Father, who looks down the road for the return of his prodigal child. When someone struggles with porn, we need to remind them that God comes running towards us with grace as soon as we turn our eyes toward home.