You would not hand your child the keys to a car before they were ready to drive. And yet many of us hand our children internet access with little preparation for the world that comes with it.
In the UK, 55% of 8-11-year-olds now own a mobile phone (Ofcom, 2023). By 12-15, nearly half (47%) have uploaded their own videos to platforms like TikTok or Snapchat. More than half of 12-15-year-old gamers (58%) talk to people they do not know online.
The digital world offers creativity, connection and opportunity. But it also carries risk.
The Children’s Commissioner for England reported in 2024 that 10% of children have seen pornography by age 9. By 11, that figure rises to 27%. The NSPCC has found that 44% of boys aged 11-16 who consumed pornography said it gave them ideas about the type of sex they wanted to try.
The Online Safety Act has been introduced to address some of these harms. But legislation alone cannot parent our children. The digital world moves fast, and sexually explicit content remains anonymous and easily accessible. The question is not whether our children will encounter harms in the online world. It’s how can we prepare them.
Controls — Tools That Help
Even with new legislation, we need to ensure our devices are well-protected, particularly when children are young. This reduces accidental exposure, not only to pornography, but to other online harms.
Most devices, such as phones, tablets and smart TVs, have built-in parental controls that limit explicit content and set age filters. Apple’s Screen Time and Android’s Digital Wellbeing allow parents to set time limits, block content and pause usage at night. YouTube Restricted Mode and Google SafeSearch can reduce inappropriate results. Monitoring apps such as Ever Accountable or Covenant Eyes can flag risky language or images, helping parents step in early and begin conversations.
Another protective step is delaying phone access as much as possible. When you do say yes, it can be a “yes, but”:
- Yes to a phone - but no unrestricted browser.
- Yes to certain apps - but only with parental approval.
- Yes to messaging - but with regular check-ins.
But these tools only work if we use them and stay involved. Even then, tools are like training wheels. Helpful? Absolutely. Enough on their own? No. Because this is not just about managing devices. We are shaping values and hearts. That means we must move from controls to conversations.
From Controls to Conversations
Most of us didn’t grow up with this level of access to technology, but our children need parents willing to enter their world, ask hard questions, listen without shock, and set boundaries with warmth. Silence is not neutral. If we do not speak into their digital world, someone else will.
So when do we start these conversations? Earlier than you think. Children are encountering explicit content in primary school. A simple starting point is what we call the Three T’s.
Tell your child that if they ever see something online that makes them feel confused or uncomfortable, you want them to do three things:
- Turn it off: close the screen or your eyes.
- Turn away: physically move away from the device (especially when curiosity kicks in).
- Tell me: God gave you to me to look after and help when things get tricky.
When a child tells you, take a breath. Thank them. They have done something brave. Your calm response teaches them that they can come back again.
As children grow, those conversations must grow too. Proverbs 22 reminds us to “train up a child in the way they should go”. Training is not instant. It is patient, repetitive and often thankless. It involves guidance, correction, modelling and grace. One big conversation is not enough. Frequent, ordinary check-ins send a powerful message: this is safe to talk about. Shoulder-to-shoulder conversations often work best. In the car. Walking the dog. Washing up together.
You might say: “I read that children your age are seeing things online they didn’t mean to. Has that ever happened to you?” Or: “I heard some children are being asked to send nudes. Does that happen at your school?”
Start small. Stay curious. Keep asking open questions.
Digital Family Agreements
Another helpful tool is a family agreement, formed through conversation about how you interact with technology. There are many templates online, but you might discuss:
- Where are devices kept during meals or at night?
- How much screen time is reasonable?
- What content is off-limits?
- Who can check settings or messages?
Clear expectations reduce confusion and help children understand that boundaries
are about protection, not punishment.
When It Feels Hard
Parenting in the digital age can feel overwhelming. But Scripture reminds us that the God who works miracles is also the God who helps us through an ordinary Tuesday. Isaiah 41:10 says, “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold
you with my righteous right hand.”
We often read verses like that and imagine things like dramatic callings or extraordinary circumstances. And yet sometimes the impossible is simply getting through the day without losing your temper. Sometimes it is finding the courage to start a conversation. Sometimes it is staying calm when your child tells you something that shocks you. It is the same God. However overwhelmed we may feel, God is not. He is not surprised by algorithms or social media trends. He is present, generous with wisdom, and faithful in the long obedience of parenting.
And above all, remember this: we are not doing this alone.
Sheralyn Cloete works for The Naked Truth Project, a charity aiming to Open Eyes and Free Lives from the damaging impact of porn. They offer a variety of educational and recovery programmes, including online parenting workshops. For more info visit nakedtruthproject.com