Battling pornography

Augustine of Hippo was a church leader in north Africa in the fourth century AD. He was also a man who struggled with lust. In his famous book, Confessions, he details how, as a young man, he prayed to God: “Give me chastity… only not yet.” He recalled how he was worried that God would cure him of his lust, which he wanted “to have satisfied, rather than extinguished.” For many, the use of pornography can feel like a similar battle.

Pornography is a powerful medium. It entices us with dreams of satisfaction and pleasure, without providing either. Once hooked, it can be difficult to give up using porn. It can hijack parts of the brain in a similar way to drugs and alcohol, and excessive porn use has been linked with mental health conditions such as anxiety and depression.

If you are a Christian, perhaps you have seen what the Bible says about pornography and realised that it is harmful to you and others, and dishonouring to God. You want to stop, but where do you start?

If you are in that situation, you are not alone. It has been estimated that 54% of practicing Christians watch pornography, with 75% of Christian men and 40% of Christian women struggling with porn use. Pornography is a problem within the Church as well as outside of it.

Fighting pornography is much the same as fighting any sin or temptation in the Christian life: it begins with repentance.

As Jesus addresses the churches at the beginning of the book of Revelation, he commends them for their faithfulness but also rebukes them for their sin. Jesus speaks to the churches to urge them to turn away from their sin and turn back to God. He says, “Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent.” (Revelation 3:19)

The Biblical image of repentance is to ‘turn around.’ To repent is to turn away from our sin and turn back to God. But with any sin, and particularly with pornography, this is much easier said than done. We may find that we repent only to fall back into the same besetting sin again and again.

One reason we struggle is that we view repentance as a quick thing. If repentance is turning around, then we picture a person walking along, stopping and going in the other direction. It seems quick and simple.

But what if that person is not walking, but riding a bike? Then the process of turning around is a bit more complicated. It will take a little longer and involve more manoeuvring. What if they are driving a car? Again the process is longer and more involved. If we picture the person at the helm of a ship, such as a tanker, then the time it takes to turn around will be much longer still.

The journey of repentance is neither quick nor simple. For most of us, it is a path with many highs and lows, setbacks and victories, barriers and breakthroughs. The reality of repentance is that it is a lifelong process.

In the very first of his 95 theses, which kicked off the protestant reformation, Martin Luther wrote: “When our Lord and Master Jesus Christ said, ‘Repent’, He willed the entire life of believers to be one of repentance.”

If we view repentance as a quick, one-off event then we will be defeated and discouraged if we fail in our battle with pornography. But if repentance is a lifelong process of continually turning back to God, we will be spurred on to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, ask for God’s mercy and begin again.

Repentance from sin is only possible when we bring sin into the light and are honest with God about our struggle.

Pornography, in particular, thrives on dwelling in darkness. As the author D. H. Lawrence once noted, “The whole question of pornography seems to me a question of secrecy. Without secrecy there would be no pornography.”

This has always been the case but even more so in our internet age. To consume pornography you no longer need to sneak into a newsagent or sidle into a sex shop. Pornographic material is available at a click of the mouse in the secrecy of your own room. The internet has allowed pornography to flourish in the darkness.

To combat pornography we need to bring it into the light. John chapter three says:

If we struggle with pornography we may fear that our deeds will be exposed. But with Jesus there is forgiveness available for every sin. We need not fear bringing our sins out into the open, to have the light shine on them and to see them as they truly are. It is when pornography is exposed to the light of Jesus that we see, as pastor John Piper puts it, “that this little temptation looks like the stupid suicidal insane little monster it is.”

There is a comedy sketch by American comedian Bob Newhart which is both funny and insightful. Newhart plays a therapist who charges very little and only has one piece of advice. To everything that the client struggles with, he simply says “Stop it!”

While that sketch is just a joke it reveals an important truth. We cannot resist temptation simply by saying ‘stop it’. If you have tried to stop using pornography by your own strength, you will know that it fails more often than not. We grit our teeth and try our best, but our willpower does not seem sufficient.

Pastor Julian Hardyman writes honestly about this struggle:

Winning the battle with pornography is about worship rather than willpower. It is only possible when we replace our desire for porn with something better: a greater desire to know and love Jesus Christ. We need not only to turn away from our sin, but also actively to turn toward something else. We need to repent of our sin, and we need also to rejoice in Jesus.

At the end of his first letter, having talked about the battle with sin, the apostle John tells his readers: “Dear children, keep yourselves from idols” (1 John 5:21). The battle with sin is a battle for our desires. Will we desire God, or will our desires be directed to something else? Scripture calls these misdirected desires idolatry.

An idol is anything that captures our desires and draws us away from Jesus. The way to keep away from idols is to capture our hearts and minds with something better. As pastor Tim Keller writes:

The way to combat porn is to rejoice in Jesus. As the apostle Paul says to the Colossians: “set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things” (Colossians 3:1-2). When we see Jesus as clearly as we can, when we realise how glorious and good he is, then our desire for pornography will seem rather small in comparison.

John Piper helps us to see this as he writes:

Escaping the trap of pornography is only possible when we repent of our sin, bringing it into the light, and rejoice in the wonder and glory of Jesus Christ our saviour.

While the battle with any temptation is about worship more than willpower, it is sensible to put some practical safeguards in place as you work on reorienting your heart and mind toward the glory of Christ.

First, get in community. As we have seen, porn thrives on secrecy. You may think that you are the only person struggling with this particular sin and temptation. You are not. Nor is it good to battle with pornography alone. God has created us to be in community with others, and we battle our temptations in community as well.

Being part of a church community is the first step. If you are not yet part of a local church, get involved with one that teaches the Bible. Attend in person rather than online, get to know people and let them get to know you.

A small group is a good next step, where you can share your life with others in an open and vulnerable way. You may not feel able to share struggles with porn right away, but hopefully over time they will be a supportive community who can help.

As you invest in community, take the next step of accountability. Find a few people with whom you can be completely honest with about your issues with pornography. Get them to ask you regularly about how you are doing and how you are getting on with resisting temptation. Encourage them to keep in touch, perhaps with text messages, sharing Bible verses and spurring you on.

If possible, give those you are accountable to access to your devices. Let them look at your files and internet search history. Be as transparent as possible. Consider installing software that allows your internet history to be shared with your accountability partners, such as Covenant Eyes.

Next, be honest about your vulnerability. Are there particular times and places when you are especially vulnerable to using pornography? Are there things that act as triggers for you? Where is your battle the fiercest, and your resistance weakest?

When you have identified the areas where you are most vulnerable, consider how to combat those vulnerabilities. Can you block those points of vulnerability? Jesus tells us “if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away” (Matthew 5:30). Is there a habit or vulnerability you need to cut out of your pattern of life?

If social media is a weak point, for example, can you remove your account and delete the apps? Can you put a content blocker on your computer? Can you buy a ‘dumb’ phone instead of a smartphone? Some of these actions might seem drastic, but drastic action is what Jesus advises to avoid sin.

Alternatively, can you divert your attention when you are most vulnerable? Is there another activity you can do when you know you are likely to face temptation? When there is a trigger, can you use that as a trigger to pray? Some people find that doing something with their hands, such as crafts, can be helpful to divert their minds and bodies in a different way when temptation strikes.

Ultimately when we face sin and temptation, we are presented with two choices: we can either run toward God, or we can run away from him. To effectively battle pornography we need to run toward the God who loves us, and know that there is full forgiveness to all who put their trust in him. As John writes in his first letter:

God is faithful and just. He has promised forgiveness of sins to all who come to him in repentance and faith. If you have struggled, or are struggling, with pornography use, then there is forgiveness through Jesus Christ. He knows our weaknesses, and we can come to him in confidence knowing that we will receive mercy and grace in our time of need (Hebrews 4:16).

Even when we struggle with pornography, if we continue to turn back toward God, we can be confident that he will be at work in our struggles. As C. S. Lewis explains in an honest letter to a friend: